The Diligence of Living an Almost Happily Ever After

It's the end of the year and isn't that the time when most people start to review the choices and events of the year? Every year, around this time, I ask myself if I'm happy. The answer for way too many of those years was a resounding NO! A friend of mine, once told me she didn't believe that true happiness existed, just the ability to tolerate the status quo. A sad way to think, huh?

I think I bought into her theory for a while, because to believe otherwise was to admit that I didn't have what others had managed to achieve, happiness. Embracing this concept allowed me to continue in a perpetual state of inertia. I made goals and plans, but only did half ass attempts to bring them to fruition, because I never had any faith in myself and just wanted to fake myself out that I tried. When things didn't work out (of course they weren't going to work out, I never believed they would) I would just sardonically smile at my reflection the mirror, as if to say, "See! You're going to stay on that hamster wheel, futilely running toward nowhere, so why bother?"

Those little voices inside my head kept running a never ending litany of doubts and discouragements. And you know something? They were right. I was never going to find happiness. I was never going to accomplish anything.  I was never going to travel, make interesting friends, or do exciting things. I did not have the courage or skills to break out of my dismal, sad, pathetic comfort zone. Living a fufilling, adventurous life was as likely to happen to me, as winning the lottery. I was a walking, talking, self fulfilling prophecy. I put that negativity out into the universe and bought into it. I allowed it to become a tangible, living thing.  My biggest, baddest boogeyman, wasn't the monster in my closet or under my bed, but instead was the monster inside my head. Again and again I folded under the weight of my so called fate. There was nothing I could do about, so I might as well just roll with the flow. Don't struggle, just do enough to keep your mouth and nose out of the water. That's right, just doggy paddle in circles until the day you become too tired of treading and finally succumb to drowing in misery.

Wow, that is one pitiful human described in the paragraph above. You wouldn't want to meet that person, much less, be that person. Luckily, one bright morning I woke up and decided that this wasn't just treading, this was pure and simple laziness. Time to snap out of it and get to work!

Three years ago, I set out to change my life. I set a long term goal, then several short term goals, with deadlines, to make myself accountable. After lining several things up and getting several issues put behind me, I started working hard toward the end goal. If you have been reading this blog, you will know it was to move to Washington state, to be near my sister and friends.

Instead of continuing to air those, negative, doubtful thoughts, I replaced them with positive affirmations. I made baby steps, then hops, and finally I was making giant leaps over obstacles I had once found insurmountable. I continued my run for the goal line and once I crossed it, I made a new goal. And then a new goal. I will keep making new goals until mortality and not fate, catches up with me.

I am a much different person than I was back then. Hell, I'm even a different person than when I first moved here in April. I am also here to say, yes, happiness does exist, because I have found it. I have found it and I don't think I ever want to let go of it, so I continue to do the work to ensure my happiness.  And happiness does take work. You can't be lazy, or apathetic about it, you have to exercise your mind, your body, creativity, and your soul. Your life is like a living, breathing entity. What you put into it, the care and love you pour into it, directly influences what you get out of it.

Is there a secret to happiness? Yes and no.  I think there is no one single secret to happiness. I believe you have to find your own way.  Mine? A fresh start helped. I felt stagnate and uninspired in my home state.  I now live in a place where I can experience the kind of cultural diversity I have always dreamed about. I am busy with family and friends, experiencing events and lifestyles that sometimes pushes me outside of my comfort zone, but that is an awesome thing.  Challenge excepted!

I continue to educate myself in many ways. Presently I am learning Japanese.  It's been several weeks since I started, but I throw myself into it several times a day. The hardest part so far is learning the three types of alphabet.  The learning of the actual words is going better. I  am continually surprised with how much I had picked up while watching Japanese dramas and listening to J-pop. I am also currently reviewing for placement in continuing my education in Spanish. Is learning two languages at once over reaching? (This is all about stretching myself) Maybe, but I do know some Spanish.  My reading and listening comprehension is fairly good, it's the speaking part that I suck at.

I continue to write, because writing is what has always excited me the most. I am still working on a book that I am very excited about. As you can tell, I also hit and miss on this blog, because I spend a fair amount of time working for another 'professional' blog.  I'll do better, I promise. Working on the 'pro' blog keeps my skills up and the deadlines keep me from procrastinating.

Several exciting trips are in the planning stages, some farther along than others. I'm really psyched up about them and I'm determined to be at least at conversational level in Japanese, before our big trip to Asia.

I've re-established friendships and started new ones. I hang with my sister a lot. We are part of several different circles of friends. One is a kdrama group, where I can geek out about all things Asian, without feeling like a freak. Others are a couple of different groups of girls, where we go out to be ourselves. My friends and I shop, while also indulging in our foodie inclinations. Or maybe we go to a Greek Festival, or a town wide swap meet in Packwood, where we oooh and ahhh over butter dishes and buy steampunk jewelry. Other times it's nothing, but females, watching the Seahawks game at a loud restaurant, sharing hummus, while drinking a drink that seemed like a tasty idea, but really tastes like a foamy menthol cigarette. (Winking at Cookie) Sometimes it's just laughing with the boys and girls at a boisterous birthday party, where the old man of the group drinks everyone under the table and we all laugh at nothing for hours. Occasionally we relax at the cabin in the mountains, drinking Crown or soju, while sharing old stories, and cracking jokes around a firepit.

I have gained so many insights from my friends. Some send daily group affirmations out by texts, reminding each one one of us that we are special and that it's up to us to make 'magic' happen. Others share their wonderful vision boards. A couple push their bodies in amazing ways, through crossfit, races, mountain biking, skiing and rock climbing. They awe me with their strength and determination.  It encourages me to push myself, to demand the best of myself.

I have surrounded myself with good people. People who are also passionate about life and have their own exciting goals they are striving toward. Awesome women and men, who I am proud to have become part of their lives, who support and inspire me almost daily. Positivity breeds positivity. I love that we all continue to expand that bubble of hope and love around us.  You are only as strong as the people you surround yourself with. The people I surround myself are Amazons and Warriors, whether it be physically, emotionally, creatively or intellectually.

2013 is coming to an end. It's been a year of changes for me. I'm hoping, no, I'm positive, that 2014 will be about continuing challenges, adventures, learning, friendships, travel, and love. Here's to digging in deep toward our next goal. Namaste!