"Some" relationships

"Some" MV: SoYoo & JunggiGo feat:Lil Boi

Did you watch the video? Do you understand what "Some" relationships are yet? No? Did you turn on the subtitles and read the lyrics? I'll wait while you go back and watch again... Still don't understand or don't want to read subtitles? Okay I'll clarify it for you. "Some" is a term young Koreans use to explain a certain type of a relationship. In short definition a "Some" is: something more than just friends, but not a labeled relationship, such as boyfriend/girlfriend. Now don't get this confused with friends with benefits. Sex is not excluded from these relationship, but often is not expected. 

A "Some" relationship is one that can mimic a full blown relationship.You spend all your time together. If you aren't together, then you are texting, face timing, or talking on the phone. You flirt a lot. Maybe not overtly sexual, but this amorous interaction is vital to each other's feeling of being wanted or desired. You want to share good and bad news with that person first. Yvcdsou depend on each other emotionally. Little actions that are normally reserved for family or lovers, are readily exhibited. Such as wiping ketchup out of corner of the other's mouth, smoothing of hair, or a quick squeeze to show you care. Physical affection, such as touching, hugging or patting, is performed on a regular basis. Your friends will often say "You guys act like a couple, so why don't you just become a couple"?  And when you hotly deny that you are a couple, they'll ask you "Well what are you guys, anyway?"  To which you'll reply, "Friends".  The air quotes are not used in reality, but inferred through inflection of speech. Oh yes! This clears up everything!! But you are not being coy or secretive, because you really don't know how to explain what you two are exactly. That would mean actually sitting down and defining the terms of the relationship.  This places you in a very scary predicament due to the following reasons:

•  A: One or both of you are not ready for that step
•  B: One or both (usually one) is keeping their options open
•  C: One or both of you have no intentions of it ever becoming anything more

When I say, you can function as a couple, you really do. You are fulfilling all the needs a significant other would. You are each other's, built in,  Plus 1. You go on pseudo dates. You are their personal cheerleader and shield during hard times. You prepare meals together, marathon TV shows together, even cuddle and engage in pillow talk, but you are never secure enough to say "He/She is mine".

Eventually there can become expectations far beyond the parameters of "Some".  When those expections are not met, resentment and confusion can set in. It can leave one or both partners feeling confused and frustrated.

There are so many reasons why this type of relationship is dangerous. Although a few can navigate a "Some" relationship unscathed, friendship remaining intact when the other moves on to a "Real" relationship, most can not.  In the end, someone usually gets hurt.  For at least one partner, the desire to go to the next level is strong. The subject of addressing the change in feelings is mostly avoided, possibly because they are afraid it will jeopardize what they have now with their "Some" partner. A few brave ones step up and demand clarification. Rarely does this result in the fruition of what they desired.  

I've personally had a couple of "Some" relationships. Neither case evolved into a "Real" couple status. These relationships ended up being a confusing, heartbreaking time for most involved. In one of these relationships, I was the one who wanted more. In the other, I was the one who was enjoying an ambiguous relationship, but ended it when I realized how much it was hurting my friend. Luckily, I was able to salvage the friendship in the later. It did take a real long cooling off period and him becoming involved in a "Real" relationship for us to become chill again. I'm happy to say we are still friends today.  And even though we both sometimes find ourselves without romantic partners at the same time, we now keep the lines of friendship clearly defined and intact. 

Now I know there are a few out that that can manage this type of relationship without any real repercussions.  That's awesome for you, but for most of us, the lines in a "Some" relationship can become blurry. Eventually, someone starts mistaking it as the real thing, or question themselves with "Do they really want to be with me, but are afraid to say?"  It's a treacherous, slippery slope that can only lead to inevitable misunderstandings and hurt feelings. 

My experiences with "Some" relationships were a mixed bag of emotions. Part of those relationships were awesome. I won't lie, in many ways they fulfilled a deep need inside me.  I always had a buddy to do things with.They stroked my ego, made me feel wanted, and filled in an empty space that could have resulted in loneliness. In both cases we were pretty emotionally involved.  We genuinely looked out for and cared about one another. It was understood that if a real option came up that the other would like to explore, the partner would step aside. After all, we want our "friend" be happy, right? In theory, deep into our late night talks, where we poured our hearts out to one another, this made sense. We readily agreed to the terms both of us had came up with. In reality, there was always some jealousy displayed, even when one thought they were hiding it well. Even if being with the "Some" partner as a "Real" partner was never a real consideration, the partner rejecting the "Real" could exhibit jealous reactions and deploy cock blocking tactics. (The cock blocking wasn't just me, both guys did it regularly.) Lines were constantly being blurred and occasionally mind games were played. In one case it became a game of "I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you either, because you are mine. But I'm not yours, so don't go expecting things!"  

Ahhhh! I don't miss those times either.  As heady and exciting as they were, they were also very painful and frustrating. I hope to never make that mistake again. I found they only waste time and kept us from moving on to find new partners that were better for us. This kind of relationship was kind of a hiding place.  A place to mark time, until we felt ready enough to risk everything on the "Real" thing. I don't regret the real affection and fun that was experienced, but I could have done with  out the heartache in the end. 

As you can tell, I'm not a supporter of "Some" relationships. Flirtation is fine, but if you realize that, that one is not the right one for you, cut them loose to find one that will appreciate them and take the plunge to become much more than "Some". 

For those of you who are subtitle challenged, here's a great slowed down English version by the song writer herself. 

                            "Some" by eSNa

 Namaste.